i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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