I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
