is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
