now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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