My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
