just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
