We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
