I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
