Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
