just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
