halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
