I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I didn't notice because vodka
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
