He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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