So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
