Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
