i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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