I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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