Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
