so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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