made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
there is glitter all over my balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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