I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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