Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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