I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize