Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize