I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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