Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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