He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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