My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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