remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
