In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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