The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
BRING THE BAGELS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
