Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
