So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
