Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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