u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
