you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
should my penis look like a turkey
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
