question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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