i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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