We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
