Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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