he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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