So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
