dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
