If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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