Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
