I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
