Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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