guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
