Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
