If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everyone says I win the strip club
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
