yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
