I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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