I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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