I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
