She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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