you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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