There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
