we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
