My hand turned me down
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
