Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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