all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I party with great urgency now.
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