did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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