Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
