I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
