I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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