I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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