I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
