Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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