Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I want is dick and wine.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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