I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
