Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we're making bets on your personal life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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