Moan for me like Helen Keller
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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