Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
