Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize