My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
