so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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