my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
