The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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