I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
