The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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