I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
