1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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