I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
