i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
