I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
