well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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