How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
