remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love having hate sex.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
